Firstly, be aware that you are almost certainly your harshest critic. For me, as an example, my hair in thinning and I can be quite paranoid about it. Strangeley though it’s only my male friends who tease me about it - and having asked a large number of girls (both dates and friends) about it, as far as they are concerned it’s pretty much a non-issue. Understanding this can make you feel far more confident in your body.

But lets say this isn’t enough for you. What else can you do?

Well there are two main solutions - hide your concerns or eliminate them. Let’s take a closer look at both of these options…

The first option, as I have mentioned, is to hide whatever you are concerned about. Worried you’re overweight? Then dress well to help you look less tubby. Consider, as I sometimes do, buying a brand new outfit to out in. One that fits you well and makes you feel good. This simple trick is one I use not just for dates, but also for exams, job interviews and anywhere else I feel under pressure and fancy a little more confidence.

The other solution, as discussed, is to eliminate that concern. For example, go on a diet or get under a tanning bed or change your hairstyle. Take time to consider which elements about your appearance you feel most concerned about and strategize ways in which you can either hide them from view or eliminate them altogether to feel more confident and empowered when meeting members of the opposite sex.

I’m not for a moment suggesting that you should try - dress up nicely, make conversation, flatter them etc. - after all you’re unlikely to get another date if you make *no* effort. But what I’m talking about is knowing when to stop.

Some people on a date will simply try too hard to impress and the date can then end up forced and uncomfortable as you put on a laugh even if they’re jokes aren’t funny, order whatever food they order to try and impress them and generally act like someone totally different to who you are.

When you try too hard, it’s almost too easy to make an idiot of yourself quite simply because you’re not your usual self.

Remember that the perfect date is one where the person you go out with sees (and likes) the real you. No lies, no making things up. If you are going to have a serious long-term relationship then you need to start off on the right foot.

If you act yourself and they don’t like you then consider this a *good* thing. At least you found out bright and early that they’re not suited to you. Too many people spend their lives feeling uncomfortable and unfulfilled because they spend years pretending to be something they’re not. Promise yourself you won’t fall into that same trap.

For many people of that age, being single for so long would be their idea of hell. They’d spend half their lives worrying about being “left on the shelf” and what was wrong with them.

But that wasn’t me.

I stayed single deliberately simply because after a messy break-up some years before I just didn’t feel ready for another relationship. I didn’t feel able to commit, to open myself up and reveal myself for someone else to see.

I didn’t want to rush into a relationship just because I was single. Instead, I wanted to wait until it felt right. That I *wanted* to share my life with someone else and would give it my all.

A matter of weeks after I finally decided I was ready, I met the partner fo my dreams whom I am still with today. I’m glad I waited until I was ready because this has been the most enjoyable, open and honest relationhip I have ever had. It’s also I think the most mature relationship which I think is built to last over the long term.

If I had jumped in early goodness knows what might have happened to me. So remember - sometimes waiting is the right thing to do.

There are two reasons really. The first of these is that everyone loves to feel important. By actively listening to your date you show how much attention you are paying them, and this makes them feel better about the date and you on the whole. They’re not just speaking words - you’re actually listening and responding. You’re showing that you care what they are saying.

For you, by actively listening, you will frequently come up with questions based on what your date has said, which not only makes conversation easier, but also makes it seem less forced and more natural.

So let’s take an example. Let’s suggest that you ask your date about their job and they say that they work as an architect for the sake of argument. For many people that conversation is now over. You know they design buildings, and it’s tempting to move onto your next question for them. But wait - there are so many potential “follow up” questions you can ask.

For example, how about asking them how they got into being an achitect in the first place. Or about what they are working on right now. Or the project they enjoyed most. Or a nightmare client they had in the past. All of these are valid, potentially interesting questions to ask. And of course, each answer you get can often trigger half a dozen more questions to ask.

Now of course we don’t want to make this feel like a job interview, with you constantly firing a long string of questions at them - you need to give your input and feedback too - but so long as you respond appropriately and use their answer as the next conversation starter, you will likely keep the conversation flowing naturally all evening without you having to put too much effort in.

You’ll both enjoy your time together and learn a lot about each other’s past, each other’s motivations and how closely you match each others “ideal”.

All you need to do is to simply sought through them and work out which ones you find most interesting. Then simply lodge them in your memory banks for when the situation arises, knowing that you have all the tools you need.

Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Where did you grow up?
What was your favourite subject at school?
What exams did you do?
What are your hobbies?
What hobbies would you like to take up in the future? Why haven’t you done them yet?
What was the last movie you watched?
Who is your favourite actor?
What type of music do you like?
What is your favourite band?
Where do you work? What do you do?
Why did you choose the work you do?
Are you involved with any charities?
What is your favourite TV show?
What would you do if you won the lottery?
What was your best holiday/vacation?
Where would you most like to go on holiday/vacation next?
What was the last book you read? Was it any good?
What is your favourite book?
What are your favourite foods?
Tell me about the funniest thing that has ever happened to you
Tell me about the scariest thing that has ever happened to you
Tell me about the most exciting thing that has ever happened to you

They want to know how to do every element. They want to know how to walk, what to say, what to wear, where to go and what to eat. OK, so I’m exadurating a little, but you get the idea.

While I admire these people for wanting everything to go without a hitch on a date, I do also have a serious reservation.

And that it seems some people are taking so much effort to do everything “right” that they aren’t being themselves. And this is such a vital point that many people seem to miss. The goal isn’t for your date to end up thinking that you’re their perfect match when in fact you’ve put it all on.

No, the goal is to effectively show who you are as a person and hope you date likes that. If not, well too bad. Better to be with someone who likes you for who you are rather than who you’re pretending to be.

I always think the same thing abot a job interview. If I go to an interview and don’t get the job, it’s doesn’t worry me. Honestly it doesn’t. How come? Because I probably weouldn’t have been suitable for their job anyway, and I want a job I can enjoy and get my teeth into.

And you need to start thinking the same way with your dates. Aim to find someone who has similar interests and tastes - someone who values you for who you are.

So try worrying less about what to say and what to wear. Try being yourself a little more and stop worrying if you don’t get the second date. If they’re not interested in you as a person then it would never have worked out right anyway.

Don’t focus on getting a second date - focus on getting to know each date well enough that you both know by the end whether a second date is a good idea. Because when it really does happen it can be an amazing feeling.

Restaurants might seem to fit the bill, but this can be a very difficult situation. You’re sat there face to face all evening so you need a lot of conversation to keep things going if you’re not going to experience deadly silences or small talk about how delicious your food is. Then you have the embarrasment of paying, the potential to drop food down yourself etc.

Going to the movies can work a little better because not only can you spend time together, but when the movie is over you can go for a drink and you have plenty ot talk about regarding the film - either good or bad

The choice of film however can be a challenge. My suggestion would be a decent comedy to get you both laughing and to give the evening a great feeling. If your date spends the evening laughing, not only will they feel more comfortable about the date, but they will likely look back on it as a really good time. Just don’t try to make a move in the darkness of the cinema

Another possible option would be something gently physical - like bowling. If you feel nervous, consider taking along a few friends so it’s a far more laid-back atmosphere and there will be plenty more conversation going on with a bunch of you. You can also celebrate or commiserate depending on how your date does which also provides lots more opportunities to chat.

Finally, I’d like to propose that a great idea is to figure out lots of different places ot go to and things to try with your date. Don’t just go to the local bar - that’s just dull. And don’t go to the local bar each Friday to meet them. Mix it up. Discuss places they’d like to go or things they’d like to try. Horse riding, going to the beach, that new restaurant that just opened up, a festival in the next town, a stand-up show.

Try to make every date different to keep things fresh and exciting - and don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone and try something new that your date likes. You can often be pleasantly surprised when you find out you actually quite enjoy it - and figuring out what to do next also gives you plenty of possible things to talk about.

The solution of course is to move away from trying to meet a date in a drinking establishment, and instead move to somewhere that is more “hobby-related” for want of a better idea.

Instead of going out to bars looking for a date, consider your own hobbies and interests. Maybe you love horses. Then join the local riding stables. Maybe you’re passionate about third world debt. Then get involved with a local charity.

Spend some time researching the clubs and locations where you can not only indulge in your interests (which means if you *don’t* meet a date immediately, you’re still having fun all the same) but also hopefully meet someone with whom you immediately have something in common. This of course means you’re far more likely to get on well, you have an instant topic of conversation and you have an activity you can both do together for a date.

For me, meeting at a pool was great because I was looking for an active person. If I had been looking for a deep thinker or a high-powered businessperson, a pool probably wouldn’t be a great place to hang out.

So, when looking your mate, you need to decide what it is that you are looking for. If you are looking for someone who shares an interest, activity, or hobby, your options are endless. If you are a golfer, join a golf club. If you bowl, go down to the bowling alley. If, however, you are a lover of obscure 16th century literature, your options are a little more limited.

But it is not all about shared activities. You are not looking simply for a fellow triathlete to spend your life with. You are looking for a personality type as well. You are looking for someone who is kind, caring, generous, considerate, and loving. These qualities are far more important than sharing a hobby.

However, the best place to see a person’s true qualities is when they are doing something they love. You will see them at their most joyous, their most generous, and their most energetic. You will also see them when they are the most open to possibilities – and that is where you come in. If you can make that introduction while they are at a “happy place” in their life – the pool, the golf course, the bowling alley – they may be more open to the possibility of a relationship.

So, the best place to find the person you’re looking for is to find them when and where they are happy. And, if that place is where you are happy, too, the possibilities are endless.

One of the most important things to consider when planning your outfit for a first date is what you are planning to do. Is it dinner and a movie? A ballgame? A day at the park? You need to know what the plan is, and don’t be afraid to ask your date what he has in mind. He wants you to dress appropriately, too, so tell him you are trying to figure out what to wear and he’ll appreciate it.

Many women are completely obsessed with shoes, but the first date is not the time to try out your sexy new pumps. You’ll be nervous enough already and if you worried at all about keeping balance in those shoes, don’t do it. A man has far more respect for a woman who chooses to be comfortable than a woman who chooses to make a statement. By wearing comfortable shoes, you leave the night open for more fun – a long, romantic walk, dancing, etc. – and crazy high shoes would limit your fun.

If you are going out at night, nothing beats the black dress. A short (but not too short), basic black dress always looks good on almost any body. It hides a multitude of faults and you will look elegant without being overdressed at almost any occasion. Remember, though, the two of you both want to walk into a restaurant or a movie being dressed at the same level – you don’t want him in jeans and you in a cocktail dress (or him in a tux and you in shorts) – so don’t try and outdo him.

Whatever you wear, dress comfortably. Your outfit needs to reflect your style, make a subtle impression, but most importantly, you need to feel confident in it. If you are wearing something that you need to keep adjusting or toying with, you won’t feel confident and you won’t enjoy your date. Dress for comfort.