How To Elicit Conversation On A First Date

One of the biggest fears that most people have is that the first date will be awkward. And honestly, it often is. But that is because little preparation is done, and as we all know, practice makes perfect.

When going on a first date, you are rarely aware of any subject you may have in common. You may both live martial arts movies, but you don’t know it yet. You may both love reading John Steinbeck, but until you get on a conversation about books, that will remain a secret.

Before going on your date, put the time in and prepare for your date. A date generally has three parts – the first awkward phase, the middle where the death lull can occur, and the end when true awkwardness sets in. No matter how you look at it, a first date doesn’t sound like a lot of fun.

But, if you come prepared with a plan, hopefully you can alleviate some of your fears and keep the conversation going. You need to have a few subjects up your sleeve, and ready to go, just in case conversation doesn’t flow naturally.

During the beginning of your date, talk about your day, your date’s day, the weather, or any subject that you both have in common. If you met at work, talk about work. If you met through mutual friends, talk about them. Use them as a springboard to another subject.

During the middle of your date, when you are searching for subjects, ask your date about their life, their family, and their friends. Nothing personal, of course, but basic information in a non-interrogative way. Try not to ask closed-end questions (questions that can be answered with a “yes” or a “no”), and listen attentively for subjects to bring up later.

The end of the date is always awkward, whether you want to see the date again or not. If you are interested in seeing the person again, this is the time to ask them out. If you can steer the conversation toward movies or food or sports, these topics can easily be turned into an invitation to a meal, movie, or event.

We all know that first dates can be hell, but if you prepare, you may find that they are a lot of fun.