Using Active Listening When On A Date

To many people, making conversation is one of the hardest parts to a successful date. But one should remember that this is only half the battle. Learning how to listen properly will also make a massive difference for both of you. But why?

There are two reasons really. The first of these is that everyone loves to feel important. By actively listening to your date you show how much attention you are paying them, and this makes them feel better about the date and you on the whole. They’re not just speaking words - you’re actually listening and responding. You’re showing that you care what they are saying.

For you, by actively listening, you will frequently come up with questions based on what your date has said, which not only makes conversation easier, but also makes it seem less forced and more natural.

So let’s take an example. Let’s suggest that you ask your date about their job and they say that they work as an architect for the sake of argument. For many people that conversation is now over. You know they design buildings, and it’s tempting to move onto your next question for them. But wait - there are so many potential “follow up” questions you can ask.

For example, how about asking them how they got into being an achitect in the first place. Or about what they are working on right now. Or the project they enjoyed most. Or a nightmare client they had in the past. All of these are valid, potentially interesting questions to ask. And of course, each answer you get can often trigger half a dozen more questions to ask.

Now of course we don’t want to make this feel like a job interview, with you constantly firing a long string of questions at them - you need to give your input and feedback too - but so long as you respond appropriately and use their answer as the next conversation starter, you will likely keep the conversation flowing naturally all evening without you having to put too much effort in.

You’ll both enjoy your time together and learn a lot about each other’s past, each other’s motivations and how closely you match each others “ideal”.